I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
wow bdsm is so cute
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
