who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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