i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
