mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
