dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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