The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
