Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
