Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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