i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
