she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
