just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
