It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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