Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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