Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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