I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
