cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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