she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
