Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had sex on a roof
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
