Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
