I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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