Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
