We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
