But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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