operation harelip BJ is a go
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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