sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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