my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
