I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
