what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish you could order shots online.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
