dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
