Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
