I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
