I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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