doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
