its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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