I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
