Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
