Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.

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(410): View more from Maryland

He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

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(503): View more from Oregon

i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text

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(647): View more from Ontario

making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.

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(630): View more from Illinois

there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?

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(740): View more from Ohio

I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.

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(561): View more from Florida

I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates

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(804): View more from Virginia

I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!

(804): View more from Virginia

It's basically my crowning achievement.

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(207): View more from Maine

Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.

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