When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
