i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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