can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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