how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
