hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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