I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
