Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
