So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
