I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
