Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
