I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
