When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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