I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
